Marriages and Violations of Religious Injunctions

By Bint-e-Islam

Marriage is not only a religious duty and following of the practice of the Holy Prophet  but it also serves as a uniting bonds between two families. Moreover, it is the best way to check immorality and adultery from society. Marriage was a very simple ritual during the Holy Prophet �s era. Two persons of opposite sexes would be united as a result of "Nikah� and fixation of dower (Haq Mehr). The groom would hold a Walima feast, even if it would be as simple as offering of some dates. Islam had made marriages as simple as earning one�s daily sustenance -- no botheration of dowry and no tension of heavy expenses on observing various nuptial traditions and customs. The Holy Prophet  and all of his companions took care while taking any step and kept in mind commands of Allah in every field. Wedlocks were knotted on the basis of faith and not on the basis of any other aspect. Weakness of our faith has robbed us of Allah�s blessings in our relationships. The only reason behind the failure of today�s marriages is that these are not being settled according to the regulations laid down in Shariah. Marriages are now like gambling with each of the two partners trying hard to win. O sisters! Have we not crossed the limits set by Shariah just to satisfy our ego through artificial means and formalities? Don�t we consider marriage functions incomplete without the rites of �Mehndi�, �Ubtan� and giving of dowry. Islamic values and boundaries are violated openly by indulging in immodest and unveiling engagements. Mehndi, Ubtan and Baraat have become integrated part of our social norms at weddings. All these customs do not match with the Islamic ideology. In fact, these are Hindu traditions that have been adopted by our society. We have forgotten our values and norms.

Engagement:

It is the announcement of marriage and indicates that such and such boy and girl are going to be married soon. The boy�s mother puts a ring onto the girl�s finger in the presence of non-Mehram (with whom marriage is legitimate) persons. In some families, the would-be husband personally puts the ring onto the finger of his would-be wife. Huge amounts are spent on these ceremonies. Without photo sessions, the ceremony is considered as incomplete. In upper classes, these ceremonies are arranged in hotels. The girl, in full make-up like a bride, is made to sit on a platform so that �everyone can eye her�.

Dowry:

As the marriage day comes closer, arrangements for the wedding reach their peak. The bride�s family makes arrangements for the show of dowry. Even the families which are against dowry too do their level best to send their daughters with �honour� to her in�laws along with a heavy dowry. They care for the trends in vogue. They even borrow huge amounts to buy dowry items. They have to take this �poison� because dowry ritual has penetrated our society so deep that there is apparently no escape. Middle class and poor families are very much disturbed by this evil but nobody takes initiative in this direction. Islam never encourages dowry for it may cause humiliation to poor parents of girls. It considers woman a respectable and loveable individual of society. And as heavy expenses on girl�s wedding make parents think their daughters as a burden, Shariah opposes such rituals that may downgrade women�s status in the eyes of others. Shariah teaches payment of share in one�s heritage instead of dowry. Quran says,

وَلِلنِّسَاءِ نَصِيبٌ مِمَّا تَرَكَ الْوَالِدَانِ وَالْأَقْرَبُونَ مِمَّا قَلَّ مِنْهُ أَوْ كَثُرَ نَصِيبًا مَفْرُوضًا (al-Nisa 7)

�And women have share in the heritage of their parents and close relatives. There is a certain share for them either less or much.�

But the foolishness of parents is noteworthy that they prefer to give dowry in place of share in heritage only because this is the practice in their society. They are so much inspired by the Hindu culture that they want to free themselves from their responsibility by just giving dowry. This Hindu social custom is so popular in our Muslim society that they have put their religion off. The girl�s parents are of the view that their daughter will use all these things in her in-laws home and she will not be dependent on her in-laws. This means, they are attempting to abolish love and affection in the beginning. There are only troubles, grief and sorrows in case of deviating from real Islamic teachings. Islam sees women as daughters and sisters but people think them as burden due to this evil of dowry. It is for this reason that people don�t feel pleasure on the birth of a daughter. In this age of dearness, they use unfair means to complete items of dowry. As a result of this, trend of bribery is very common. Many girls are getting elderly while sitting in their parents� houses because their parents cannot give them a big dowry. Thousands of girls are spending their lives in miserable circumstances just for want of a huge dowry. If we do not eliminate this evil custom, the day is not far when our daughters will reach the old age without getting married. Being a Muslim, it is our duty to give right share of heritage to girls because it is not only a religious obligation but also the only way to keep quite in-laws. If we shall not act upon this, we will not only be answerable to Allah but our daughters� future will not also be safe. Dear sisters! Adopt the teachings of Quran and then see how does Allah helps you. Quran clearly says,

يَاأَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا ادْخُلُوا فِي السِّلْمِ كَافَّةً"

O faithful! Apply Islam completely on your lives.� (al-Baqarah 208)

So it is our foremost duty to implement teachings of Islam on our lives because acceptances of some things and refusal of others is the indication of hypocrisy. Bani Israel were destroyed just because of this behaviour. They accepted some of the commands of their holy book for their convenience. Mehndi, Ubtan and all other futile customs have no match with Quran. These are the practices which spread immodesty and encourage evil. Even then if we continue to stick to these evils, we may be included in the list of rejected nations like Bani Israel. Quran announces:

وَالَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا وَكَذَّبُوا بِآيَاتِنَا أُوْلَئِكَ أَصْحَابُ النَّارِ هُمْ فِيهَا خَالِدُونَ

�And those who deny our verses will be entered to hell and be there forever�. (al-Baqarh 39)

Quran adopts interrogative expressions to have our attention and says,

أَفَتُؤْمِنُونَ بِبَعْضِ الْكِتَابِ وَتَكْفُرُونَ بِبَعْضٍ

�Do you accept some portion of the Holy Book and deny the remaining one�. (al-Baqarh 85)

These are punishable acts and Allah describes the punishment for these actions in coming verses. Behold! Do all marriage customs conform to Islamic teachings? Do we spend our lives according to Islam? Our reply is certainly in the negative. We are depending on hypocrisy and show. Our attitude is totally based on hypocrisy and that is why Muslims are disgraced all over the world. We are entangled in family conflicts. We are not enjoying peace of mind. It is divine punishment and we will not only see hardships in this world but also face problems in the hereafter. All this discussion reveals that complete acceptance is the obedience. So carefully follow the ways that please Allah. Never fear from the mortals. Keep on the right path, certainly you will be successful. Alas! This age has reached its peak of immodesty. Immorality has sealed our hearts. We are not attracted by the noble causes. We are unaware of Allah�s wish. We are ignorant of religious commands for various occasions. If any body tries to show us the right path, we take him as an enemy of our happiness. And if any one just praises our dressing and facial beauty, we consider him the most sincere and well-wisher of ours. In Mayun, Mehndi and Baraat ceremonies, women wear newly-designed clothes and make-up. They dance and sing. It is sorry to see that parents feel proud when their children dance to western tunes. But they don�t realize that they are digging a hole for their children and for themselves. Islamic command of veil is violated to look beautiful and modern. The present era has declared nakedness as art and fashion. So women are preached to adopt these immodest ways. They never feel ashamed of it. Instead of this, they call the preaching to the right path as an act of jealousy. They think if youths are not groomed according to the latest trends, it will be a hazardous for their future life. So they say that �modesty is an extraordinary restriction on their natural grooming.� If the children will be forced to adopt modest ways, it will irritate them. This means, they are totally denying the philosophy of modesty and its effectiveness to prevent immodesty. An Islamic-minded woman will never unveil herself before strangers. If she has to do this because of any unavoidable problem, she will certainly feel hesitation and shame because of her faith. Modesty does not crush emotions. Rather it guides her to the right direction. People who are of the opinion that veil restricts their activities unnecessarily, are following western thinking. Today, every body knows how much corrupt and immodest the westerns are. The result of the free (sex) society appears in the shape of AIDS and depression which is eroding their social norms like a slow poison. Why should we copy the West. Quran says,

وَلَا تَبَرَّجْنَ تَبَرُّجَ الْجَاهِلِيَّةِ الْأُولَى

�Don�t go out with wearing make-up as you did before embracing Islam� (Al-Ahzab 33)

Now its our job to think! Do we come before strangers with wearing loads of make-up? Do we exhibit our girls as showpieces after crossing the limits mentioned in the Shariah? We don�t persuade them to observe veil. Instead of doing this, we induce them towards latest fashions. Resultantly, our young generation causes destruction and slander to the family in copying the West. Then we blame society for it. But never think over our wrong practices of sending girls with make-up to bazaars and other places open to male members of society. And invite sin, don�t we.

Bride is �advertised� on the wedding day by �decorating� her well. She, who has to be the statue of modesty, is made to sit on a stage for other people to see and enjoy. In other words, everyone is invited to watch the stack of sins. Satan and his allies do please with this work. People quench their lust through eyes. Her every movement is captured by video cameras. Alas for her modesty. Can such functions be fortunate during which all the girls are half-naked in the name of fashion where mix-gathering is taking place? And think of bangles and jingled anklets entertain non-Mehrams. Men are attracted by these expressions.

Think! How can be these marriages fortunate and successful during which Shariah is violated openly? Allah can never bless these couples. How can we expect happiness and peace if we are inviting Allah�s wrath? How can we claim ourselves as Muslims while acting upon the ways having no room in Islam? Quran has clearly announced that,

�He who adopts such practices has no relation with Islam.� O� Muslim sisters! Woman is respectable till she observes veil and has modesty. Modesty is the honour of a woman. The more she is modest, the she will be loved by Allah. It is often observed the women spend lives in service of their husbands, homes, elders and children and extract pleasures and happiness of life more than any one else. Those, who pass their lives in temptation and displease their families, never get peace and comfort. The real life circle of a woman is her home. Islam teaches dignity, civilization and politeness. It secures woman from the lusty sights of society. She looks after and trains her children physically and mentally. If she performs her duty perfectly, she can save her children from the fire of hell and can multiply her account of good doings. Some mothers are of the view that to reform society the government should ban various Hindu customs observed during marriages. But dear sisters! We are the masters of a state -- our own body. We can implement Islamic code of law on it because it is under our control. So we should comply with our promise made with Allah. If women want so, they can compel their husbands to abide by Islamic code of life as they usually have control over them. We, women, are the inventors of these customs. We can fight against these if we want. Mayun, Mehndi and Baraat are nothing. These are the customs and traditions of Hindu society. We are blindly following these and never think about their originality and effects. Even educated families let these customs go in the name of regional traditions and culture. Just think for a while, what will be our end by following these devilish acts? These are all against the real spirit of Islam. Devil presents all these evils in a colourful style to mislead us. Many of us get assistance of beauty parlors to wear a beautiful look. Threading, vaxing, plucking and bleaching are normal part of traditional make-up. A huge amount as well as time is consumed in these works. Beauty parlours are the production of civilization of Christians and Jews, which have accepted the responsibility to waste wealth of Muslim families. Saying of our beloved Prophet is, �Allah is indifferent to those who get tattooed and who tattoo, who pluck hair from face and get plucked and who get widen their teeth to look beautiful. They all try to change the features gifted by Allah.�--(Bukhari) Perfuming and hair-cutting are also included in the make-up. Read these Ahadith: �Fragrance for men should give odour but be colourless while that for women should be colourful but should not smell.� �He who changes his gesture to look like women and she who changes her get-up to look like men are denounced by Allah Almighty�.�-(Trimidi) Make-up against Shariah is that which changes the features created by Allah Almighty. Misleading the family of groom by changing complexion of a blackish girl through make-up techniques is an act of deception. Afterwards, when the concealment goes off, domestic rifts and conflicts surface ending in a divorce. Islam is not against the make-up techniques that do not change features granted by Allah. Mixed Gatherings: Islam prohibits mixing of male and female individuals in the fields of training, education, plays and entertainment. But in the present times, all the systems are based on mixing up of the both sexes. Islam commands for protecting one�s sights. But today, we don�t ponder upon this philosophy.

Marriages without simplicity:-

Simplicity has almost been abolished these days. Impact of colours, costly dressing, Jewellery and make-up comes with the name of wedding. Hours are wasted on these useless things. Every second will be computed on the Day of Judgment. Both the families of bride and groom waste huge amounts on their functions to boast of their riches. Islam always negates extravagances. All these expenditures fall in the category of extravagance and Quran declares such people brothers of Satan. To maintain this luxurious life one has to earn money through unlawful means. So one evil generates another. Islam teaches simplicity and Muslims should cut their coat according to their cloth. This not only controls expenses but also saves time. That is why Allah Almighty says, �God wants to facilitate you and not to put you in trouble�.

By the grace of Allah, there are still people who are ready to devote their every thing for the pleasure of Allah. These are the people who get Allah�s rewards. Their devotions do not go waste. Our young generation has a great number of youths who are more religious than their parents. Who want to turn alive this dead society. They want to reform this society with Islamic ideology. An aquatinted woman told me about such a girl who had the thrust of religion and love for her Creator. Though she belonged to a modern family but was very simple and unique. Everybody in her family was worried about her simplicity. She had the version about marriage that she would marry in a religious family. A lot of hurdles came in her way because she did not believe in richness. Another tragedy of our society is to ignore woman in the affairs of marriage. She cannot give her opinion in marriage. Her opinion in these affairs is disliked very much. Giving opinion about her groom and refusal to elders� selection considered as immorality. She had to listen to so many negative remarks. People consider it as a moderate family. They called them as noble and conservatives. Those noble people impose a husband on her. Her heart is weeping and asking her Allah, �What kind of test is it? I was only obeying teachings of Islam but was treated very harshly and accused of so many unlawful things. I am wrong in my parents� eyes even though I am being sacrificed on these customs. There is only Your support but it seems that You are testifying me.� Her heart was crying bitterly. Movie-maker was restrained from picturing due to her opposition but they did not refrain from taking snaps by still cameras. They captured her image in cameras. Though she tried to hide her face. When lights of cameras flashed her, she felt their heat as flames of hell. Anyhow after marriage, when the film rolls were processed, they were surprised to see no snap of her. This means no cameras succeeded to capture her image. She was surprised too and bowed before Allah Almighty who protected her honour. By witnessing that unusual scene, all her in-laws were surprised. By inspiring that incident and her continuos efforts, they were converted to real Islamic ideology. Now all women of that family not only observe veil but also persuade others in his regard. Dear sisters! All these methods are only ways to spread immodesty. Immodesty does not need dens to spread. We all know that exhibition of beauty is the only purpose behind these movies. Movie is played before non-Mehrams so many times. These people enjoy and quench their lust by playing it repeatedly. Moreover, there are so many families who are being blackmailed due to the snaps of wedding functions. Parents of these families present clarifications to everyone but cannot escape the disrepute. If commands of Allah are continued to be disobeyed in this manner, then no body can evaluate how many families will face this destruction. O� readers! Islam has given its own manners which make are unique from other nations. Remember! Allah has said in Quran about such functions as, �Those who want to spread immodesty among faithful will face a pitiable punishment in this life and in the hereafter.� Dear sisters! Go through these Ahadith carefully. After this, there is no room for any excuse. �Women who wear dress and it seems that they have not worn any dress and attracts others (men) by unveiling themselves, walk like camels with presenting themselves as beautiful will not even smell fragrance of heaven.� Another Hadith says, "The woman who used perfume to attract men is immoral�. So honestly ask yourself, do you care for what has been cautioned in the Hadith?

Many of us will find ourselves involved in this evil because our minds have been turned secular. Our relations and other affairs have deep impact of the West. We have confined religion only to mosques. We are not ready to give up these evils. I pray for all the Ummah to be secured from all these evil and bad customs. Because being the Ummah of Muhammad , it is our foremost duty to act upon the rules set by Holy Quran. May Allah encourage us to follow the right path and apply the teachings of Islam on our lives. (Amen) For Contents page Marriages and violations of religious injunctions By...... The writer has in this article reviewed the wedding rituals in vogue in our society and their negative impacts on our relations and manners. How various social evils are taking roots through the so-called harmless rites like Mayun, Mehndi, etc.

1) The only reason behind the failure of today�s marriages is that these are not being settled according to the regulations laid down in Shariah

3) Mehndi, Ubtan and all other futile customs have no match with Quran. These are the practices which spread immodesty and encourage evil.