My non muslim Family is not accepting of convertion to Islam

salaams
I am a new Muslim, approximately one year. Being a convert with non-Muslim family members, how do I make the transition from appearing "Western" on the outside to a covering Muslim woman? My family is not accepting of this conversion to Islam telling me that I am not praying to GOD. My husband is also Muslim and my parents refuse to meet him. I am very torn. Please, what do I do?

salaams,

Mary

Asalaam O Alaikum brothers and sisters in Islam!

I am a convert for over a year now, Alhamdulillah . I just recently told my family, 4 months ago, about my conversion. My mom and dad are Christian and my sisters do not have a religion.

The issue my dear brothers and sisters is I am so saddened by their reaction. My sisters were so mad, my one sister is very anti-Islam and they both said some terrible things. They have not really talked to me for months now.

Also, just recently I married a Muslim man, Alhamdulillah. I invited both my sisters and they chose not to come. This hurt me so dearly. They did not even phone to congratulate me after the wedding. I am so sad and I do not want this to consume me but I find it really hard to forgive them when they have not even acknowledged the pain they have caused. I feel so much pain over it and I feel I do not want to become bitter over it. I feel stuck and my family is torn. My mom is convinced I have not read the bible enough and that will lead me back to the right way. She leaves me brochures, bible and things to read. Alhamdulillah, I know that my mom and dad are really trying to respect me and support me now that they have had time. My mom does think it is a phase though.

I really could use some word of encouragement or advice. My husband is away and I need some strength.

Thanks
Salaam
Sister Andrea

Assalaamu Alaykum

These were two posts made by Sisters on our websites support discussion board and many others like these have been posted it over the years. I gave the sisters advice similar to what I shall write here. The difficulties these sisters went through will help others going through similar difficulties and pain that their are not alone.

Hurtful words from family members are more difficult to bear than hurtful words from strangers. They are like an arrow piercing your heart. We do not expect our loved ones to be hurtful in speech or physically towards us when we have nothing wrong. Infact we expect them to stand by us and even defend us against those who are hostile towards us for no fault of ours. So it will be emotially very painful if one's family were to abandon us or even worse hurt us with their words when we have done nothing wrong and infact done something that they should actually be proud of us for.

This not a modern thing. We are not the only generation that this has happened to. Muslims gone before us went through the same difficulties with their families.

Here are some of incidences that happened during the Prophet peace be upon him's time

On the authority of Abu-Huraira, who said: I used to call my mother to Islam when she was still a polytheist. One day, while I was calling her she mentioned something about the Prophet , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, that I detested. So I went to see the Prophet, Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, while crying and told him: I used to call my mother to Islam and she would refuse. I called her today and she mentioned something about you that I detested. Please invoke the blessings and guidance of Allah on her. Then the Prophet, Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, said: O Great Allah guide the mother of Abu-Huraira. So I left full of hope because of the Prophet's supplication for my mother. When I reached home I found that the door was partially closed. My mother heard my footsteps and said: Stay still Abu-Huraira, then I heard the water running; he added my mother performed body ablution, put on her cloths and hurriedly opened the door without her head-cover and said: "None has the right to be worshipped but Allah and Muhammad, Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, is the Messenger of Allah". I went back to the Prophet, Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, crying of joy and told him: I am bringing you good news; Allah answered your prayers and guided the mother of Abu-Huraira. The Prophet, Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, praised and glorified Allah and said: this is good. I said: Oh Messenger of Allah, pray to Allah to make me and my mother beloved by Allah's believing slaves and make us love them. The Prophet, Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, said: Oh Allah, make this little slave of Yours and his mother (meaning Abu-Huraira and his mother) become beloved by your believing slaves and make the believers love them. Ever since, there was not a believer who heard of me, even without seeing me, that did not love me. Reported by Muslim in Sahih Muslim.

On the authority of Saa'd (Ibn Abi Waqas May Allah be pleased with him) who said that verses of the Qur'an revealed his story. He said Um Saa'd (his mother) swore not to talk to him ever nor eat or drink until he renounces Islam. She said: You claim that Allah commanded you to obey your parents. I am your mother and I order you to do this ( to renounce Islam). He said: She stayed with nothing to eat or drink for three days until she fainted because of strain. Then one of her other sons named Umarah gave her water to drink. And she started to imprecate against Saa'd, then Allah revealed this verse in the Qur'an, which translates to the meaning of ﴿And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents; but if they strive to make you join with Me (in worship) anything (as a partner) of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto Me is your return and I shall tell you what you used to do﴾ Verse 29:8 - Surah 29, Al Ankabut. This Hadith is narrated by Imam Ahmad in his Musnad and in Sahih Muslim.

Also, Allah revealed another verse in the Qur'an, which translates to:

"But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that if which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do"( 31:15 - Surah Luqman).

The Prophet peace be upon him was greatly loved, admired and trusted by his relatives and the people of his city (Makkah) but as soon as started to preach the true religion of Allah (Islam), some of his own relatives started to get angry at him, insult him, say lies against him and even called others to try to kill him. This was the most beautiful soul ever created. No one in the past, present nor future will have the amazing beauty in character that he peace be upon him had.

Alhamdulillah there were some non Muslim relatives who stood by him and defended him such as his Uncle Abu Talib. He went through hardships because of supporting his nephew from his own relatives and people. Prophet peace be upon him had great love for his uncle and was greatful for his help but that did not cause him to compromise on his mission.

Another non Muslim Uncle Hamza who was a great warrior came back from a hunting trip and learnt what the people had been doing to his nephew and warned them that he will fight them if they hurt his nephew. He even became Muslim.

The nature of truth is that it is always opposed by falsehood. Some disbelievers will always try to knock Muslims off the straight path through various means such as intimidation,hurtful words, mockery They can even be from a persons own family.

Sometimes they will use hostility and intimidation to get you to stray away from straight path of Islam and at others times emotional blackmail.

Sometimes the hostility of one's family members can even help a person realize how badly non-Muslims want us to leave Islam.

The Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) told us that Paradise is surrounded with obstacles, and what that means is that in order to to reach Paradise we have to overcoming obstacles and put up with some difficulties in this life. Reward of overcoming obstacles and being patient during those difficult times is so great and its blessings are immense. The life in Jannah (heaven) is never-ending, it is eternal and its joys and pleasures will never cease. So the true Muslim should be prepared to sacrifice many things in this transient, passing world for the sake of that blessing; he will be prepared to put up with the insults and slander of people, with their criticism and mockery, for the sake of attaining that blessing. There is something else good about this matter, which is that the more a person is harassed and bears it with patience, the more his reward will increase and the higher he will rise in status before the Lord of the Worlds; indeed, his faith may increase and grow stronger, so that he will enjoy bearing this bitterness with patience for the sake of earning Allah's pleasure. The sweetness of striving to please the Lord cancels out the bitterness of people’s anger, insults and criticism. If the harm he faces is just some words of mockery or criticism that he heard, what is wrong putting up with that in order to earn the pleasure of the Lord and His reward? In all of that he believes in the promise of Allah, as He said in his holy Book :

“So be patient. Surely, the (good) end is for the Muttaqoon (the pious)”

[Hood 11:49]

He knows that patience can only be achieved by the help of Allah, so he asks Him to help him and make him steadfast. Allah says :

“And endure you patiently (O Muhammad), your patience is not but from Allah”

[al-Nahl 16:127]

He is prepared to announce the truth before people, regardless of who approves and who rejects that. If they reject it, he turns away from them and ignores them, as Allah said to His Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him):

“Therefore proclaim openly (Allah's Message Islamic Monotheism) that which you are commanded, and turn away from Al-Mushrikoon (polytheists, idolaters, and disbelievers)”

[al-Hijr 15:94]

“and turn away from the foolish”

[al-A’raaf 7:199]

Hurtful words from relatives are difficult to bear, worse than a blow from a weapon, but that will become insignificant for one who bears in mind the greatness of Allah and His reward, and he will continue on his path without turning away or hesitating.

Heaven is not just one level but there are several levels. naturally to get to a best Heaven (Jannatul Firdaws ) you will need to work harder.

Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “… When you ask of Allah, ask Him for al-Firdaws, for it is in the middle of Paradise and is the highest part of Paradise, and above it is the Throne of the Most Merciful, and from it spring forth the rivers of Paradise.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2637; Muslim, 2831

The tests that Allah gives us are given in such a way that He will not test us beyond our breaking point. Our capacity to endure these tests is there.

The question is how much love you have for Allah, how much desire you have of pleasing him and how much desire you have for reaching your full potential.

The Ones who were tested the most were the prophets and then the pious.

The Prophets went through so much trials because of Islam and they bore them with patience and we can see why they have such high positions. After them the pious were tested the most and look out how they came out of these trials.

The early Muslim converts were tortured so badly in the hope that they will leave their Islam. Some were laid down on burning sand and rocks were placed on their chests. Imagine your flesh starting to melt because of the intense heat. Imagine the pain you will suffer. All this was done to them only because they said Allah is one. The non Muslims did not stop at torture Some of these early converts to Islam were killed. One of the female companion of the Prophet peace be upon him had a spear forced through her private parts and she was martyred. Even under this torture they still would not give up their Islam. Because of their sacrifices and steadfastness, Islam spread throughout the world. They will be remembered by billions of Muslims as long as the world exists. They are the heroes of the Muslims for all time.

The following are three stories that took place at the time of the Prophet , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, that involved three of the Sahaba ( Companions of the Prophet, Peace and Blessings be Upon Him) which illustrates the reactions of their mothers after they embraced Islam:

Story #1

On the authority of Asmaa' Bint Abi Bakr she said "My mother came to visit me one day. At that time she was still a polytheist and there was a pledge between the Prophet, Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, and Quraish (one of the great tribes in Arabia that lived in Mecca in the pre Islamic Period of Ignorance who used to enjoy great spiritual and financial powers). I requested the Prophet's , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, religious verdict and said: Oh Prophet of Allah, my mother came to visit me, seeking my help; should I keep a good relationship with her? Yes, keep a good relation with her said the Prophet , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him:. Reported by Bukhari and Muslim, and this narration is listed in Sahih Muslim under # 1003.

In another version narrated by Ahmad, on the authority of Asmaa' Bint Abi Bakr she said " My mother came to visit me when she was still a polytheist and she was living amongst Quraish. She was desirous, meaning in need, so I asked the Prophet , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, and said: Oh Prophet of Allah my mother came to me and she is a polytheist and she needs help. Should I keep a good relationship with her? He said yes maintain a good relationship with her.

Story #2

On the authority of Abu-Huraira, who said: I used to call my mother to Islam when she was still a polytheist. One day, while I was calling her she mentioned something about the Prophet , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, that I detested. So I went to see the Prophet , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, while crying and told him: I used to call my mother to Islam and she would refuse. I called her today and she mentioned something about you that I detested. Please invoke the blessings and guidance of Allah on her. Then the Prophet, Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, said: O Great Allah guide the mother of Abu-Huraira. So I left full of hope because of the Prophet's supplication for my mother. When I reached home I found that the door was partially closed. My mother heard my footsteps and said: Stay still Abu-Huraira, then I heard the water running; he added my mother performed body ablution, put on her cloths and hurriedly opened the door without her head-cover and said: "None has the right to be worshipped but Allah and Muhammad, Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, is the Messenger of Allah". I went back to the Prophet , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, crying of joy and told him: I am bringing you good news; Allah answered your prayers and guided the mother of Abu-Huraira. The Prophet, Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, praised and glorified Allah and said: this is good. I said: Oh Messenger of Allah, pray to Allah to make me and my mother beloved by Allah's believing slaves and make us love them. The Prophet , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, said: Oh Allah, make this little slave of Yours and his mother (meaning Abu-Huraira and his mother) become beloved by your believing slaves and make the believers love them. Ever since, there was not a believer who heard of me, even without seeing me, that did not love me. Reported by Muslim in Sahih Muslim (Muslim Authentic volumes) under # 2491.

Story # 3

On the authority of Saa'd (Ibn Abi Waqas May Allah be pleased with him) who said that verses of the Qur'an revealed his story. He said Um Saa'd (his mother) swore not to talk to him ever nor eat or drink until he renounces Islam. She said: You claim that Allah commanded you to obey your parents. I am your mother and I order you to do this ( to renounce Islam). He said: She stayed with nothing to eat or drink for three days until she fainted because of strain. Then one of her other sons named Umarah gave her water to drink. And she started to imprecate against Saa'd, then Allah revealed this verse in the Qur'an, which translates to the meaning of {And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents; but if they strive to make you join with Me (in worship) anything (as a partner) of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto Me is your return and I shall tell you what you used to do} Verse 29:8 - Surah 29, Al Ankabut. This Hadith is narrated by Imam Ahmad in his Musnad and in Sahih Muslim in his Sahih under # 1748.

o try to bear your mother’s insults with patience, as Allah commanded His Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) to do, when He said :

“So bear patiently (O Muhammad) what they say, and glorify the praises of your Lord before the rising of the sun, and before its setting…” [Ta-Ha 20:130]

and invite them to Islam because Allah says :

“Invite (mankind, O Muhammad) to the way of your Lord (i.e. Islam) with wisdom (i.e. with the Divine Revelation and the Quran) and fair preaching” [al-Nahl 16:125].

Tell them that their hostility towards your religion will only make you more firm on the path. If they leave leaflets then just think of them as being just silly. They are leaving for you something useless. You can in fact turn the tables round and print out from our website www.muslimconverts.com the errors in the bible and say ok explain to me this. Why is this a contradiction.

Also, in the west the culture is that the daughter brings home her husband to show of to the family. Like he is all mine and we love each other this much. This is an something cultural in n the west especially. If they do not like what you like then its their choice. You are their daughter. As long as they are fine with you then that is what counts. He has his own parents and family.

Obviously it would be nice if they did, as he has not harmed them. But this issue should not be pushed. Live in the reality of your new situation and pray that your relationship with your parents and siblings gets better. Don't make the situation worse by taking him home to your mother , sisters especially at this early stage. Wait till the situation gets better. Then you can maybe ask then if he may come to visit them.

The transition from appearing western on the outside to a covering Muslim women is quite simple. You Cover up and learn the etiquettes of how a Muslim women should conduct her self . This you can read in the sisters section www.muslimconverts.com/sisters.htm . You should also realize that you were trained to be a non Muslim women by your parents, the education system, the media and general society. Therefore you will need to unlearn some of old things and learn a some new things. When the person is sincere and really wants to do the right thing. Then she should ask Allah to help her do the right thing even if it is against what she may desire. If she does this then she will In In sha'Allah succeed in both this life and the next.

The key is to do what Allah wants and not what we want. Some sisters enter Islam or start become more practicing Muslims but they wish to do what the desire rather than what Allah requires of them . They just harm themselves. Allah is not in the selling business. one can not behave as a person who goes to a shop and says oh I like that bit. I will have that please. Oh I don't like that. So I wont buy that. In Islam we cannot pick and choose.

Allah says:

Verily, Allah has purchased of the believers their lives and their properties; for the price that theirs shall be the Paradise....(Quran 9:111)

This is an amazing verse. Allah is the one who gave us our lives and properties and He is saying sell this back to me if you are true Muslims and I will give back to something even better as a reward.

Imagine some one gives you a penny and says give me back the penny (after all it does belong to me) and in return I will give you billions of pounds. Who would refuse such a transaction?

walaikum salam

AbuUbaida Admin

Some more hadiths

hadeeth of Anas ibn Maalik that Umm al-Rubayyi’ bint al-Bara’ , who was the mother of Haarithah ibn Suraaqah, came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and said: O Prophet of Allah, will you not tell me about Haarithah?” – who had been killed at the battle of Badr by a stray arrow. “If he is in Paradise I will bear it with patience but if it is otherwise then I shall weep long and hard for him.” He said: “O Umm Haarithah, there are gardens in Paradise – according to another report: many gardens – and your son has attained the highest Firdaws.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2809.

t was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “In Paradise there are one hundred degrees which Allah has prepared for those who strive in jihad for the sake of Allah. The distance between each two degrees is like the distance between the heavens and the earth.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2637.

It was narrated from Sahl ibn Haneef that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever asks Allah sincerely for martyrdom, Allah will cause him to reach the status of the martyrs even if he dies in his bed.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1909.

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The poor came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and said: “The rich people have taken all the highest positions. They pray as we pray, and they fast as we fast, but they have surplus wealth with which they perform Hajj and strive in jihad and give in charity…” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 807; Muslim, 595.

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Shall I not tell you of something by means of which Allah erases sins and raises you in status?” They said: “Yes, O Messenger of Allah.” He said: “Doing wudoo’ well even when it is difficult, taking many steps to the mosques and waiting for prayer after prayer. That is (equivalent) to guarding the frontier.” Narrated by Muslim, 251

‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “It will be said to the companion of the Quran: ‘Recite and rise in status as you used to recite in the world, and your position will be at the last verse you recite.’” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 1646; al-Tirmidhi, 2914; classed as Saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.

The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “The least severely punished of the people of Hell will be a man who has two shoes and shoelaces of Fire – according to another version: two live coals will be placed on the soles of his feet – because of which his brains will boil as a pot boils. He will not think that anyone is being punished more severely than him, but he will be the one who is punished most lightly.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6562; Muslim, 212.