Convert to Islam Issues

Canadian Convert Sister in distress 

I am in distress and need Naseeha 
This is Amitullah the sister who was looking for a second wife for her husband. Well since then we have divorced due to the fact of his family and them not wanting me to be apart of the family because I am a white Canadian Convert well I say Alhumdoillahhi Rubbill Alameen that i am a convert to Islaam and Islaam is the ought most best thing that has ever happened to me Alhumdoillah. 

Now I am in my Edaah and I am sooooo hurt by the fact they did not except me and my husband being the eldest son and coming from a arab family he choose them. I do admit that I am so far away WaAlhumdoillah from being westernized despite I am a westerner and I think they did not like that. 

I want to go to Muslim land insha'Allah one day and they want to stay here and get education and all that which is fine for them but for me I do not want to raise kids in this part of the world and I told them this and still he agreed with me and the next thing I know he is calling me an extremist and I am too Salafi for him. I am Salafi WaAlhumdoillah and I try my ought most best to practice Islaam and he treats me like am a bad person because of this. I mean I am so confused I thought I am right for thinking and practicing the way I do Allah hu Alim. I guess I just need some good advice. I would really like to hear from Abu Ubaida the owner because Masha'Allah you always give good advice. and all as well please and thank you. JazakAllahkheir.

Also I feel so lonely and I am trying to be strong because I know Alhumdoillah Allah SWT is there I just Allah Who Mastan feel alone some times and I am in need of some good Muslimah friends insha'Allah. PLEASE MAKE DUW"AA FOR ME!!! JAZAKALLAHKHIER. 

As Salaamo Alaykum. Sister
When I read your email I was very sad at what has happened. From your previous emails ( Forum number 1182 and 1189) I understand that you have been Muslim for five years, Married for one year and converted at the age 16 only and Masha'Allah started wearing niqab 6 months after converting. 
However, in everything there is khair for the Muslim. Even in this situation there Is khair for you. Allah forgives the sins that people do. But when some one wrongs some one else then on the day of judgment the matter will be between the two parties. Before entering Jannah (heaven) the Muslims will have to sort out there differences. 

The one that is wronged and the one who is the guilty party. And before entering into a heaven (which is a ,life of total peace and tranquility, Were no one hurts another) people will have to pay those whom they hurt. The currency will be ones good deeds. Some of the good deeds of the Muslim who wronged another Muslim will be taken away from him/her and given to the one who has been wronged. And if he/she doesn't have any good deeds left to give then some of the sins the wronged Muslim has committed will be taken of him/her and given to Muslim who committed that crime . Thus your making your scales of good deeds become heavier or your scale of bad deeds becoming lighter than they would be had that person not hurt you physically or emotionally etc.

So their is khair for you in this situation. Don't look at what they have done to you but look at what they will have to pay to you. It may be the cause of you entering a higher place in jannah (heaven) InshaAllah. As we know there are different levels of heaven and the higher you go the better it becomes. This life is short and tempory but the life in the hear after is everlasting and imagine if a few days or even years of hurt can elevate you to a higher place in heaven and even closer to your Lord. Then it is well worth it. And we have to pity the person who due to his/her bad behavior towards other Muslims ends up loosing those vital deeds he needs to build a better place for himself in jannah or it may be the cause of him/her roasting in hell for a while.

Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:
"The world is the prison of the Mu`min, and a Paradise for the Kaafir" (Saheeh Muslim, Kitaabuz-Zuhdi war-Raqaa`iq [18/93] Sharh an-Nawawi) 

So the truthful Mu`min has patience upon what afflicts him in the world so that it becomes for him the everlasting delights, and the Kaafir is delighted in the world as if it is his paradise, and it becomes his everlasting punishment on the day of reward.

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:
"The Mu`min who mixes with people and remains patient on their harms, is better than the Mu`min who does not mix with people nor does he remain patient on their harms" (Narrated by Ibn Maajah and at-Tirmidhi and it is Saheeh) 

Therefore, all of the Prophets, their people harmed them and disputed with them, disbelieved in them, tried to kill them, and exiled them from their countries. But they remained patient and so the victory was their ally. Allah the Most High said:

"(They were reprieved) until, when the Messengers gave up hope and thought that they were denied (by their people), then came to them Our Help, and whomsoever We willed were rescued" (Yoosuf 12:110) 
And He said concerning the wise Luqmaan as he ordered his son:
"O my son! Establish as-Salaah , command the good and forbid the evil, and have patience on whatever befalls you. Verily, these are some of the important commandments (ordered by Allah with no exemption)." (Luqmaan 31:17) 

When the Prophet (peace be upon him) was asked which people are afflicted with the toughest of tribulations, he (peace be upon him) said:

"The Prophets, and then their like, and then their like. A person is afflicted according to his Deen. So if his Deen is firm, his afflictions become severe. And if in his Deen there was mildness, then the affliction is in accordance with his Deen. So the affliction does not leave the slave until it leaves him walking on the earth, and there is no sin on him." (Narrated by at-Tirmidhi and he said this Hadeeth is Hasan Saheh) 
And on the authority of Abu Hurairah – may Allah be pleased with him – who said: The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "The afflictions do not seize to exist on a male or female person of faith, in his self and his wealth, until he meets Allah while there is no sin on him." (Extracted by Ahmad and at-Tirmidhi and he said that Hadeeth his Hasan Saheeh) 

And on the authority of ‘Abdur-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf – may Allah be pleased with him – who said: 
"We were afflicted with the Prophet (peace be upon him) during the bad days so we remained patient. Then we were afflicted during the good days after him, but we did not have patience." (Narrated by at-Tirmidhi who said Hadeeth is Hasan) 

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) sought refuge (in Allah) from trials, so he (peace be upon him) said: 

"O Allah! By Your knowledge of the unseen, and Your Power over the creation, keep me alive for as long as You know that life is better for me. And give me death when You have known that death is better for me. O Allah! And I ask You for Your fear in the unseen and the seen, and I ask You for the word of truth in pleasure and anger. And I ask You for resolution in poverty and in affluence. And I ask You for delights that do not end. And I ask You for the consolation for the eye which does not seize to continue. And I ask You for the pleasure after the decree. And I ask You for the coolness of the life after death, and I ask You for the pleasure of the look at Your Face, and the love for the meeting with You, without any damaging adversity, nor any trial with the possibility of going astray. O Allah! Beautify us with the beauty of Imaan and make us the guided leaders" (Saheeh Sunan an-Nisaa`i 1237)

Allah is greater. Allah's ability to punish some one is far greater than what human beings can inflict on the true slaves of Allah an there is no escape from Allah. When Allah seizes some one there is no escape.
Similarly Allah's love is also greater than what human beings can give each other. So we should try to seek His love. 

So we fear Allah more than we fear people and we seek Allah's love more than we seek peoples love.
Ibn Kathie relates the following story of Prophet Ayyub in his tafsir
"The Prophet Ayyub Allah tells us about Ayyub (Job), and the trials that struck him, affecting his wealth, children and physical health. 

He had plenty of livestock, cattle and crops, many children and beautiful houses, and he was tested in these things, losing every thing he had. Then he was tested with regard to his body, and he was left alone on the edge of the city and there was no one who treated him with compassion apart from his wife, who took care of him. It was said that it reached the stage where she was in need, so she started to serve people (to earn money) for his sake. The Prophet said: 

(The people who are tested the most severely are the Prophets, then the righteous, then the next best and the next best). According to another Hadith: 

(A man will be tested according to his level of religious commitment; the stronger his religious commitment, the more severe will be his test.) The Prophet of Allah, Ayyub, upon him be peace, had the utmost patience, and he is the best example of that. Yazid bin Maysarah said: "When Allah tested Ayyub, upon him be peace, with the loss of his family, wealth and children, and he had nothing left, he started to focus upon the remembrance of Allah, and he said: `I praise You, the Lord of lords, Who bestowed His kindness upon me and gave me wealth and children, and there was no corner of my heart that was not filled with attachment to these worldly things, then You took all of that away from me and You emptied my heart, and there is nothing to stand between me and You. If my enemy Iblis knew of this, he would be jealous of me. ' When Iblis heard of this, he became upset. And Ayyub, upon him be peace, said: `O Lord, You gave me wealth and children, and there was no one standing at my door complaining of some wrong I had done to him. You know that. I used to have a bed prepared for me, but I forsook it and said to myself: You were not created to lie on a comfortable bed. I only forsook that for Your sake.'' This was recorded by Ibn Abi Hatim. Ibn Abi Hatim recorded from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet said: 

"When Allah healed Ayyub, He sent upon him a shower of golden locusts, and he started to pick them up and gather them in his garment. It was said to him, "O Ayyub, have you not had enough'' He said, "O Lord, who can ever have enough of Your mercy) The basis of this Hadith is recorded in the Two Sahihs, as we shall see below. 

(and We restored his family to him (that he had lost) and the like thereof along with them) 

It was reported that Ibn `Abbas said: "They themselves were restored to him.'' This was also narrated by Al-`Awfi from Ibn `Abbas. Something similar was also narrated from Ibn Mas`ud and Mujahid, and this was the view of Al-Hasan and Qatadah. Mujahid said: "It was said to him, `O Ayyub, your family will be with you in Paradise; if you want, We will bring them back to you, or if you want, We will leave them for you in Paradise and will compensate you with others like them.' He said, `No, leave them for me in Paradise.' So they were left for him in Paradise, and he was compensated with others like them in this world.'' 

(as a mercy from Ourselves) means, `We did that to him as a mercy from Allah towards him.' 

(and a Reminder for all those who worship Us.) means, `We made him an example lest those who are beset by trials think that We do that to them because We do not care for them, so that they may take him as an example of patience in accepting the decrees of Allah and bearing the trials with which He tests His servants as He wills.' And Allah has the utmost wisdom with regard to that. " 

So you should be patient and put your trust in Allah. We know that the sahbiyat (female companions) went though so much. Maybe Allah may give you a truly pious husband.

You will feel at this time hurt and lonely but as i said there is so much khair for you in this. You said that your husband is Egyption, Hafidh of Quran and recites with taqweed and he is doing a degree in computer mathematics and works full time. yet even being Hafidh of Quran he says you are an extremist because you want to follow Islam as taught by the Prophet (peace be upon him)and  according to the understanding of the Sahabah.

If a Muslim was to call another Muslim an extremist because he/she wants to follow the pure Islam as taught by the Prophet (peace be upon him) and according to the understanding of the Sahabah (companions of the Prophet) then that is very dangerous statement to make as it could lead the person saying such statements out of teh fold of Islam.  Those people who make these statements are lack intelligence even if they have a PHD

The biggest problem is that brothers and sisters allow them to say such things and are not firm with such people.

One needs to tell them all you are doing  is follow the order of Allah and His Messenger (peace be upon him). If you think follow those orders is being extreme. Then you are saying Islam is incorrect.

Say all I am doing is trying to following the orders of Allah and His Prophet (peace be upon him just like the Sahabah (companions) did. Are you saying they were extreme? 

Allah tells us in the Quran that He was pleased with them. Are you saying Allah made a wrong statement

?
Tell him/her you should repent as such thinking can take a person out of Islam and residein the hellfire for ever.

The kaffirs believe that following Islam to the teeth like the Sahabah is extremism. They have being trying for many years to get Muslims to believe that this is extremism and some Muslims have been stupid enough to believe this and havegone out of Islam without sometimes even realizing that they have gone out of Islam. At least the kaffirs know they are out of Islam. But some Muslims have gone out of Islam without knowing they are out of Islam. But with simple firmness we have a  solution that may help themI  realize their errors and come  back into Islam InshaAllah.

The same argument is being used against the Mujahideen. Kaffirs say so and so is a Jihadi and thus bad and evil. Now some of the some so called Muslims say the same. Instead of looking to the Quran and sunnah to deeremine what is good and bad . They obtain their sense of right and wrong from their anti-Islam mass media, corrupt teachers and ignorant people. As we can see even soem of these people are hafidth of Quran. yet they lack the love and understaning of Islam.

 
The companions of the Prophet (peace be upon him) were bigger Jihadi's than the Jihadis of today. The Prophet (peace be upon him) himself was the biggest Jihadi of all time. 

This is why we are told in some hadiths that the two things that are most likely to take us to the hell are the private parts and the tongue. What our private parts do and what our tongues say can lead us into the hell fire. The private parts are far easier to control than the tongue.

Therefore by cruising a certain Muslims one could in reality be critizing the Prophet peace be upon him and even Allah without realizing it. 

Sister Allah has been has saved you from this marriage. In a marriage it is essential that the Husband understand Islam, loves Islam and implements Islam in his life. The husband is the commander in chief of the family and the wives are like his officers. If he has a faulty understanding of Islam or does not care about Islam then the whole family suffers and everything breaks down.

Many times its happened that when the wife is religious and the husband is not. The Islam of the kids suffers. The mother tries her best to get the children to go to the Masjid and read the Quran.

 But the kids complain to the father that she making them do this and that and they have school and they need to play. The father is the head of the family and he says ok go play or go to the mall. So instead of going to the Masjid their sons are at the mall checking out the girls or the daughters are on a catwalk in the mall.

No mother could bare to see her children screaming and burning in the fire of this world even for a secound so how about the fire of hell which is much worse.

So you have been saved from a marriage that could have brought you a lot of problems in the future. 
How did you end up marrying this man, who introduced /recommended him?

You said you want to make Hijrah (migration ) to a Muslim land were you can raise your children in a more Islamic environment. This is something essential. I know how difficult it is for parents and also for the children to not stray away from Islam.

You mentioned that you thought that they did not like you being away from the western culture. This probably is true. Some Muslims from Muslim countries are more western than kaffirs amongst the western people. Some Muslims are even stuck in the 19th century British and French culture. Which was forced upon them by the invaders. It is a well know fact that the kaffir from  countries like Britain and France were very racist against say Arabs and Asians. Some of the elite westren educated class in Muslim (and even  non western kaffir ) countries because infected with this racist disease. The  looked at the kaffir invaders as the elite race. They too wante dto be the elite race. So they started to copy them in all their manners.This lead them to a delusion that they were same as the kaffirs in values so they were a superior race than the rest of their people who were trying to sticking to their Islamic values.  I have met many like that. 

Some of them want to marry convert sisters but do not want her to follow Islam fully. They want her to follow only small bits of Islam which suit   him and his family. Such obeying the husband, not cheating on him, being kind to his parents and maybe a few other bits of Islam.  The rest of Islam he does not want her to go near.

May Allah give you patience and make things easy for you ameen.

AbuUbaida
www.muslimconverts. com 

Assalamo Alaikom WaRahamtullahi Wabarakatuh
I write this with the intention to help one to marry for the sake of  Allah SWT. I make du'waa for all fellow brothers and sisters in Islam. 

First I like to encourage all my fellow sisters to take care of them self and their husbands for the sake of Allah SWT first and for most and then for the sake of our husbands. I think us as humans need to renew our intentions when it comes to marriage especially when it comes to the sisters. Reason being is because we sisters are mostly at home and we cook, clean, take care of the kids and dress nice for our husbands. Which is wonderful but we need to do all this for the sake of Allah and not for the sake of our husbands. We need to be careful not to put a human being before Allah SWT no matter who they might be. We need not to lose our love for the sake of Allah SWT because of our new love our husbands. It is a blessed thing to love our husbands but let's love them with the best of love and that love is for the sake of Allah SWT.

 
Secondly speaking from experience I would like to advice the brother from the U.K. regarding pursuing polygamy. I would first like to say that the way your wife is feeling is natural. Woman by nature feel emotional and over whelmed at times. So what I would advice you to do is educate your wife with the knowledge of polygamy from Quran and Sunnah and all the benefits it has. You may want to give her some books regarding polygamy in Islam. Also tell her about people in your community who are involved in polygamy and lead a very Blessed and happy life. Encourage her by reminding her that her marriage is a Jihad and by pleasing, helping and obeying you for the sake of Allah SWT, she is pleasing Allah and obeying Allah SWT. And Allah SWT will insha'Allah reward her for all her efforts. Let her know that this new wife could turn out to be a very good companion for her. Could be person who she will share things with, a person who she will share hard and bad times with, a person who she will cook with ect. 

But most of all remind her in a nice and soft way that ultimately it is your right in Islam and what ever comes from Allah SWT is good and just as long as followed in the right way. Pray to Allah SWT to help and guide you and tour family ask Him for what is pure and Kheir. I hope all works out for the sake of Allah SWT and all is Blessed insha'Allah. May Allah make it easy and Kheir insha'Allah. AllahWhoAlam Allah knows best.

Your sis in Islam, Amitullah