Dating Is Haram in Islam even if dating is common place in Muslim communities in the west or the westernized communities in Muslim countries or any community.

Allah made Islam, not the people. It is strange that some Muslims will call themselves Muslim but want to make laws that are against Islam because of the culture they come from or live in, trying to deceive people into thinking they are not committing haram, for some it maybe for commercial reasons or due to being confused as to how to get married.

For the past few centuries the Muslim parents have destroyed the Islamic way of getting married.

Although dating as we shall see is haram in Islam and one who comes this haram is sinning. Making dating Halal or making anything halal into haram is an act of kufr and takes the person out of Islam.

Allah says :

“… Wed them with the permission of their own folk and give them their mahr (dowry) according to what is reasonable; they should be chaste, not adulterous, nor taking boyfriends…” [al-Nisa 4:25]

In his commentary on this ayah, Ibn Kathir (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

“Muhsanat [translated as “chaste”] means that they should be pure, not indulging in zina (unlawful sexual conduct), hence they are described as not being musafihat , which means promiscuous women who do not refuse anyone who wants to commit immoral acts with them. 

Regarding the phrase wa la muttakhidhati akhdan (‘nor taking boyfriends’),

Ibn ‘Abbas said: ‘al-musafihat means those who are known to commit zina, meaning those who will not refuse anyone who wants to commit immoral acts with them.

Ibn ‘Abbas also said: ‘muttakhidhati akhdan means lovers.’ A similar interpretation was narrated from Abu Hurayrah, Mujahid, al-Sha’bi, al-Dahhak, ‘Ata al-Khurasani, Yahya ibn Abi Kathir, Muqatil ibn Hayyan and al-Saddi. They said: (it means) lovers.

Allah says :

“Made lawful to you this day are al-tayyibat [all kinds of halal (lawful) foods…]. The food of the People of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time, when you have given their due mahr (bridal money given by the husband to the wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e., taking them in legal wedlock), not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends. And whosoever disbelieves in the Oneness of Allah and in all the other articles of Faith, then fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be among the losers.” [al-Maidah 5:5]

Ibn Kathir (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

“Muhsineen ghayr musafiheen wa la muttakhidhi akhdan (‘desiring chastity (i.e., taking them in legal wedlock), not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends’ ). Just as Allah imposed the condition of chastity on women, meaning that they refrain from zina, so it is also imposed on men. The man must also be pure and chaste. So they should be ghayr musafiheen, meaning they should not be adulterers who do not refrain from sin and do not refuse any who come to them (for immoral purposes). Nor should they be muttakhidhi akhdan, meaning those who have girlfriends or female lovers with whom they have an exclusive relationship, as quoted above from Surat al-Nisa. (The one with many lovers or the one with just one lover) are both the same. For this reason Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (may Allah have mercy on him) said that it is not right to marry a promiscuous woman unless she has repented, or to arrange a marriage of such a woman to a chaste man, so long as she is still conducting herself in this manner. Similarly, he (Ahmad) says that it is not right for a promiscuous man to marry a chaste woman unless he repents and gives up his immoral conduct, because of this ayah… We will discuss this matter in further detail after quoting the ayah (interpretation of the meaning):

“Let no man guilty of fornication or adultery marry any but a woman similarly guilty, or an unbeliever: nor let any but such a man or an unbeliever marry such a woman: to the believers such a thing is forbidden.” [al-Nur 24:3]

Abu Dawood (2051) narrated from ‘Amr ibn Shu’ayb, from his father, from his grandfather, that Marthad ibn Abi Marthad al-Ghanawi used to smuggle prisoners from Makkah. There was in Makkah a prostitute called ‘Anaaq and she had been his friend. He said: I came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and said: O Messenger of Allah, should I marry ‘Anaaq? He remained silent and did not answer me. Then the words “and the adulteress –fornicatress, none marries her except an adulterer — fornicater or a Mushrik” were revealed. He called me and recited them to me, and said: Do not marry her. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.

‘Abd-Allah ibn Mughaffal reported that there was a woman who had been a prostitute during the days of ignorance (before Islam). A man passed by her, or she passed by him, and he touched her. She said: “Stop it! (Mah! A word connoting a rebuke or denunciation). Allah has done away with shirk and had brought Islam.” So he left her alone and went away, still looking at her, until he walked into a wall, hitting his face. He came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and told him what had happened. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “You are a man for whom Allah wishes good. When Allah, may He be blessed and exalted, wishes good for His slave, He hastens the punishment for his sin, so that it is dealt with before the Day of Resurrection.” (Reported by al-Hakim, 1/349, who said this hadith is sahih according to the conditions of Muslim, and al-Dhahabi agreed with him. See Sahih al-Jami’, 308).

Abu Hurayrah narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Allah has decreed for every son of Adam his share of zina, which he will inevitably commit. The zina of the eyes is looking, the zina of the tongue is speaking, one may wish and desire, and the private parts confirm that or deny it.” (Narrated by al-Bukhari, 5889; Muslim, 2657)

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts).” [al-Nur 24:30-31]

An Arab poet summed how a small action evolves into fornication or adultery.

The poet said a look then a smile then a chat and then the comfort of the bed (sexual intercourse).

This often happens one person or both had no intention of having sex but they ended up having sex. Some sisters even ended up becoming pregnant. Then find out the boy they think they are in love is cheating or her or has left her and they end up killing the poor baby and after that even themselves.

So if someone has fallen into intercourse he or she should repent and not do it again. Often sister think their virginity has gone so they may as well carry on having sex. For some virginity was a goal and without their really being that goal to please Allah by not not having sex with anyone other than your husband. The virginity has gone but the goal to please Allah has not gone. You can still turn to Allah in sincere repentance and Allah loves that His slaves come to Him sincerely to ask for forgiveness.

Sometimes a person may got himself or her self in a situation were they kissed the opposite sex and if they are god fearing they feel they are doomed forever. One should have that guilt inside of them as it will help them to possibly not do it again. But they should try to remove that sin prayering. Erase a bad deed with a good deed.

Narrated Ibn Mas`ud:

A man kissed a woman (unlawfully) and then went to the Prophet (ﷺ) and informed him. Allah revealed: And offer prayers perfectly At the two ends of the day And in some hours of the night (i.e. the five compulsory prayers). Verily! good deeds remove (annul) the evil deeds (small sins) (11.114). The man asked Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ), “Is it for me?” He said, “It is for all my followers.”(iSahih al-Bukhari 526 Book 9, Hadith 5)

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “The five daily prayers, and from one Jumuah to the next, and from one Ramadan to the next, expiates for the sins that come in between, so long as you avoid major sins.” (Narrated by Muslim, 1/209)

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Below is an Article by Sister Fatima Asmal on the Mindless Dating Game.

The Mindless Dating Game – Happiness or Heartbreak
By Sister Fatima Asmal

Many unmarried people these days search for “love” in a series of premarital relationships, which far from yielding happiness, lead to nothing but spiritual degeneration, loss of self-respect, heartache and misery.

When the average girl reaches the age of ten or eleven, she – sometimes with the knowledge of her parents, sometimes without their knowledge – becomes engrossed in and obsessed with the teen romance novel: a blonde, blue-eyed girl, with a perfect size 10 figure, falls in love with the football hero of the school, a few complications on the way (nothing major, of course), but things end happily after.

In these novels, girl and boy might hold hands, or there might even be a kiss, thrown in somewhere along the line.

By the time the impressionable reader of these novels reaches her late teens, she is sick of these story lines…and is searching for more.

And is most cases,”more” is usually available right there in her home, tucked away at the bottom of her mother’s cupboard, in the form of adult romance novels.

The holding hands, and the kissing has now made way for much more, as details of pre-marital passion, and the fulfillmenta thereof are graphically spelt out on these pages.

The reader is told what the “perfect body” is supposed to look like, the notion that sexual intercourse before marriage is sweet and romantic seeps through these pages…the feelings of degradation, and the many possible consequences thereof are conveniently left out.

A fairy tale is a fairy tale, we tell ourselves, a book is a book…they have no implications on real life.

Surely our daughters understand and accept this…

But we are deluding ourselves. These same “harmless ” fairytales and books, have a detrimental effect on the thinking, lifestyles and attitudes of our children.

The first “crush” /infatuation our daughters experience in relation to members of the opposite sex, is often linked to false perceptions about “dating”,perceptions to which a wide variety of factors contribute.

And one of the main factors painting a sugar and candy image of pre-marital romances, are these shallow bits of reading material that our daughters are exposed to.

It is no strange co-incidence that girls grow up believing that a boyfriend is the key to happiness…after all they have barely started walking, when the stories of the poor ill-treated Cinderella, saved only by a dashing prince, and the beautiful Snow White woken up by a prince, and the doomed Rapunzel, saved from the tower by…who else – a dashing hero, are told to them.

And when they read romance novels, this theory is further reinforced – for, in the classic teen romance novel, the girl without a boyfriend, or “sweet sixteen and never been kissed” is the poor, laughing stock, who doesn’t have a date to the “prom”.

And on the pages of a typical adult romance novel, the heroine is always a successful, beautiful career woman, but, she feels, that “something” is lacking in her life…and that “something” is naturally a man.

It is improbable that the average teenager, would just read these books, and that there would be no impact on her mind.

It is usually exactly the opposite: she wishes she was the person on the pages of the book, and transfers her fantasies to her real life.

She might see someone at school, who is popular, and good-looking [i.e. the football hero], and so begins her first painful crush, which is accompanied of course, by sending him anonymous ‘Valentine’s Day’ cards, or calling him and playing songs over the phone.

Shaitaan has set his trap, and the temptation to sin heightens, and each time the temptation is given in to, the girl becomes more daring.

By the time the boy ‘asks her out,’ her nafs has gotten the better of her, and her head filled with the notions of how sweet holding hands before that first kiss must be, she cannot resist.

And so begins a ‘relationship.’

But this has all the ingredients that a classic romance novel does not….for those candy-coated pages do not tell you about the heartbreak, the tears, the mood swings and the countless negative aspects that are the central to these relationships

And they do not tell you about the degradation and the loss of self-respect, with which people, especially women, emerge, after these relationships.

For there is no peace, no tranquility in such relationships. The daily cycle, the moods, everything about the individual is affected.

There is a certain sort of darkness, a restlessness which fills the heart, and this restlessness affects the rest of the family too.

For it is now that all the arguments with the parents start:’Why can’t I go out tonight? All my friends are going?’

And there are the mood swings, the fluctuating eating habits…if the phone doesn’t ring, then it’s a case of ‘I don’t feel like eating.’

And then there is dishonesty…unable to tell her parents where she really wants to go, she makes the excuse of having to go to the library to study for tomorrow’s test.

The ending of each relationship is most often marked by a long periods of torture, in which the girl has to ‘get over’ the boy.

Everyday life becomes a misery…her marks drop, daily moods start to depend on the current state of her relationship with the boy and many girls, totally misled by Shaitaan, even make dua for a ‘reconciliation’.

During this period the girl is ravaged by guilt, because deep down in her heart, she is aware that what she has done is haraam, and she also feels guilty about lying to her parents.

If there was a physical aspect to her relationship, then these feelings of guilt are deeply accentuated and coupled with a total loss of self-respect.

In the worst possible scenario, which is frequently happening, the girl, in an effort to improve her ‘self image’, may turn to various other ways…smoking, clubbing, drinking and drugs…or she may embark on a series of flings just to make herself feel ‘special’ again.

In short the ‘relationships’ so sweetly portrayed in romance novels, which speak only of chocolates, flowers and happiness, end right there: on the pages of the novel.

In real life, such relationships lead to nothing but unhappiness and heartache.

For how can there be any real happiness in a ‘love’ inspired by Shaitaan?

This type of ‘love’ far from being pure and sacred falls into the category of fornication.

And regarding fornication, Allah Ta’ala says in the Holy Qur’aan:

” The woman and the man guilty of illegal sexual intercourse, flog each of them with a hundred stripes. Let not pity withhold you in their case, in a punishment prescribed by Allah, if you believe in Allah and the Last Day. And let a party of the believers witness their punishment”.
[Surah An-Nur: 2]

How can there be any long term happiness in a sin for which the punishment prescribed is so severe?

But while keeping in mind the above injunction, we should also not despair of the Mercy of Allah Ta’ala…for we cannot even comprehend the vastness of this Mercy.

We need to realize and to tell ourselves that there is only temporary satisfaction of the nafs in a pre-marital relationship.

And we need to terminate any such relationship which we might be involved in, and sincerely make taubah to Allah.

As difficult as it might be to end such relationships, once we realize and acknowledge to ourselves that the novels to which we are exposed to from such an early age are totally based on a kuffaar way of life, which appears to be very appealing from the outside, but which bears no contentment, no real happiness, it will in sha Allah, be easy to do so.

In addition to painting a rosy picture of dating, these books also create a very wrong concept of what the ideal partner should be like.

It is obvious that since they are kuffaar publications, there is no stress on piety, good akhlaaq, honesty and all the other qualities people should be searching for in a potential marriage partner.

Instead these books promote superficial thinking, with all their emphasis on ‘good looks’,’size 10 figures’,’star football players’,’smart cars’, etc.

Parents should closely monitor the reading material which their children bring home and should teach their children about the beauty of nikaah.

We should realize, that while it is natural to be embarrassed to discuss such aspects of Islam with them, it is infinitely better for them, that we impart the correct knowledge of an Islamic way of life to them, than allow them to acquire the totally wrong concept of ‘love’; from books, television, movies, and their friends and environment.

It should be explained to each teenager that the pre-marital relationships, the engagements, etc to which we attach such a great deal of importance in this world have nothing but a negative bearing on our lives in the aakhirah.

It should be time and time again instilled into their minds that pre-marital relationships are a sin…nikaah is an ibaadah.

Allah Ta’ala has Created men and women with natural desires, and He has created nikaah as an institution in which these desires maybe fulfilled.

A nikaah in which both, husband and wife are striving to fulfill their obligations to Allah Ta’ala, such a nikaah will be filled with the mutual respect, love and inevitably, the contentment, which we hopelessly search for in pre-marital relationships.

Within the sacred context of a nikaah, in which both parties are obedient to Allah Ta’ala, and adhere to His Commandments, there can be no room for the loss of respect, feelings of degradation, etc. which goes hand-in-hand with ‘going out’ with or ‘dating’ someone.

We should always bear in mind that should we die in the company of a ‘boyfriend’ or a ‘girlfriend’ or even a ‘fiance’ we will be leaving this world, having spent our last few moments of this life in the company of a non-Mahram.