My Conversion Story: how a Christian raised in a West London found Islam.

Early Life and Upbringing.

I was born and raised in west London, actually I lived in Grenfell tower on the top floor until the age of 6 when we moved to another estate just down the road. I had a very multicultural upbringing from a young age due to where I lived there were so many different nationalities and I would spend a lot of time from the age of 6 playing outside most of the time after school and on the weekends with friends and hang around with the older kids on my estate and also a neighbouring estate that were just across the road from each other.

In contrast to my parents that were both from outside London and actually moved to London in their later adult years which in hindsight made a contrast as they had an outer London sort of culture and I was being raised with a London lower income bracket council estate one if that makes sense. To elaborate on this point further my mum had a sister that still lived in the town her and my mum had grew up which we would visit maybe once or twice a year. I remember when we would go to visit them I would feel literally like the Fresh Prince of Bel Air when he first moves to live with his auntie’s family in Bel Air (culture shock/indifference). To add to this I don’t recollect exactly how my early years of upbringing at home were but it felt really disconnected, we wasn’t a tight knit family at least in my experience which is why I believe I was able to spend much time outside from the age of 6 which in today’s world is unheard of now.

The reason I have mention all of this is because I believe it was partly responsible in me developing a very strong independent way of thinking for myself and having self reliance in other words instead of growing up in more of a herd type environment where everyone had the exact same ethnicity, culture, religion etc. then I could of developed the type of mentality; this is my family, they are British Christian so I am British Christian end of chapter. Hence, having such an open mind from such a young age broke away many of the culture barriers that other people might face when confronted with the choice of wanting convert to Islam but are scared of the social implications.

Early Reflections and Belief in God

I continued to grow up in this way of having friends but being very independent and comfortable being on my own. In hindsight my fitrah (national disposition) was very much unclouded and kept intact as a result of this.

The believe in God for me was like a default position that I instinctively had from birth as I don’t remember a time that I needed to reason or come to the conclusion of accepting the proposition of a creator etc. I can even remember once when I was around 7, 8 walking home whilst looking up towards the sky and contemplating about God.

Growing up into my older teen years I spent many hours on my own in deep thought about the status quo of the world and deeper meaning but at the same time I was still very influenced by popular media (music, movies) from the dominant culture/life style which deemed certain practices which are completely haraam in Islam and are from the kabaa’ir but were in the contrary for me at that period of time something that was encouraged and the earlier you experience them the better.

So I went through this period trying to partake in such practices but I noticed I didn’t get the same fulfilment as it appeared it should be in the popular media and even how the older people around me would promote them. There was even one occasion when I first partook in a certain practice which subhaanallah I felt extreme guilt and shame which did not leave me for the entire day and evening which I guess was my fitrah kicking in as that practice was considered something you should strive to perform of which was my primary motivation in the first place. To put some context this was from the age of 15 upwards and grew stronger overtime but I didn’t have an idea of what I was actually seeking for.

Meeting Muslims and Questioning Faith

A Muslim family moved in next door to me from the age of 13 which I became very close with but Islam was never really a topic that was ever mentioned as we were just trying to live in accordance to the dominant culture.

However, when I was 19 an older Muslim brother had moved in to the same family house and he ma sha Allah would spend time with us, give us life advice and chill out with us. They had lived in Italy and France and had endless stories so was really great time spent whenever he was around.

Now, this is where it gets interesting, one day when we were just hanging out the brother ask me a really basic abc question about Christianity and I generally didn’t know the answer at which he told me he had visited churches and ask priests in the past before and had not been given sufficient answers. This was probably the first time I had ever felt challenged about my religion/world view and I remember giving the simple summary of we believe Jesus died for our sins, typical response but generally feeling out of my depth to further comment.

Now I don’t remember if it was the same day or on a later date but he had put on a talk by doctor Gary Miller and the amazing thing about doctor Gary Miller is that he would speak in an almost totally non bias way. In this talk in particular, due to how he sounded, to me I thought he was a non-Muslim academic giving a critique on Islam and Christianity so there was not any physiological barriers of ah ha this is a Muslim trying to criticise Christianity as a confirmation bias.

Even though in the face of it I put on a strong face in denial in front of my friends but there was one comment that doctor Gary Miller mentioned that stuck in my mind

“You need to ask yourself if any I said was wrong then why does it bother me”.

That was one of the parallels I had with doctor Gary Miller the other was that when I started to learn about basic Christianity I learned that there were beliefs I didn’t even believe in for example the belief of original sin I never actually believe nor that Jesus peach be upon was worthy of worship (I never prayed to Jesus in my life, I only prayed with the intention to God alone that is not inside or a part of the creation). I started to remember being in church and hearing the priest give his sermon and come to a pray and at the end address Jesus and I said to myself why didn’t you just pray to God. Likewise Gary Miller had a journey of when he got to a point where he couldn’t find sufficient evidences in the bible that promoted the worship to anyone other than God and then read the Quran in 3 days and said this is exactly what I have been saying for the last 15 years. Having started learning about Christianity I started to see how my beliefs about God were also already aligned with the Islamic concept of God.

Discovering Islam

At some point I was invited to go to the masjid with the brother of which I agreed and we went to masjid almuntadah in Fulham. It was an insightful day, we spent most of the day with a Yemeni shaykh that gave a tour of the masjid and gave an overview of Islam and before leaving provided me with a big bag that came with a translation of the Quran, seerah of the prophet (the sealed nectar), books on how to prayer, duas, aqidah like kitab al towheed.

I was still defensive at this point and would say when ask by the brother that I was ahlul kitab having picked up that term however now I had all the reading material at my disposal when I was alone, I started reading the Quran and seerah in parallel.

The entire process from first exposure, visiting the masjid and studying the Quran and seerah would have been around 6 months or more at this point.

I took my time to read the Quran from start to finish and read the seerah.

I remember being taken in awe at the sincerity shown in moments of prophet’s life in terms of the prophet genuinely being compelled by an external force such as when he was offered the famous deal by the leaders of Quraysh of status, women, wealth etc. Not benefitting from situations like the eclipse when his son Ibrahim died. The continuous persecution until the exile into the desert for 2 years at which point when he was at his lowest, verses of the Quran came down commanding the Prophet to proclaim if I had the knowledge of the unseen then I would take so much good for myself and no harm would touch me.

Why this verse is significant is due to Abu Talib and Khadijah r.a. passing away in the same period which we know as the year of sorrow.

Even so the prophet never showed any inkling to compromise the religion of Islam which to me showed that he really believed there was an external influence that was compelling the prophet upon this path as a liar can only be pushed too far until they would eventually fold and abandon their endeavour which then in turn would go back to the observation made by Dr Gary Miller that a person can not be crazy and a liar at the same time.

The prophet did not gain any of the benefits of that of a liar in this life as he rejected all the benefits presented to him and there were so many times when Islam was at the cusp of being crushed which is when you would expect a liar to fold into the pressure for example when he was in the cave of thawr with Abu Bakr or during the battle of Uhud having been ultimately defeated by the Quraysh and severely hurt close to the point of death or similarly when the confederates rose up together and surrounded Madinah at the battle of the trench and the bani Qurayzha broke the treated and agreed to support the Quraysh against the Muslims so it look like Islam was to be finished once and for all.

As mentioned, I was studying the seerah in parallel with the Quran so at the same time I had read through half of the Qur’an by this time and was really in agreement with the Quran’s logical arguments, portrayal of the prophets and purpose of life presented but was still taking my time.

I also had one of my old friends who had moved in with their father that I would visit or meet up with in the same area . My friend’s dad ma sha Allah had a strong connection to the masjid and would take my friend with him for the prayers so the masjid was on a busy street which had a cafe with pool tables were we would hang out and cheap restaurants were we would eat.

So I remember one time I came looking for my friend and went to see if they were in the masjid and I walk in whilst the prayer was happening and saw all the Muslims going up and down and it was very quiet, I think it was asr Salah at this particular time. However, I left at this time. I didn’t want to wait as I felt it was disrespectful.

Taking the Step

I started to go with my friend and his dad to the prayers soon after and I believe I just sat down at the back the first time but it wasn’t long at all until the brothers in the masjid brought forth their generosity and support. At this point I didn’t verbally give my shahadah but had accepted Islam in my heart however for the next 2-3 months I became stagnant as I was still hanging around the same circles though I was definitely not engaging or interested anymore in the practices my friends were still involved in. I also had a love interest that I was very much invested in and didn’t want give up hope in which was also coming on at the same time. It was during this time that I experience wiswaas for the first time in my life which is a first-person subjected experience I accept but I remember I would get very bad thoughts in relation to keep me away from start to practice Islam and take the first step.

However, by Allah’s towfiq only I remember one morning on a Saturday I woke up and the first thing I said to myself was forget this I need to learn how to pray and then made my way to masjid and met with the brothers and elders. There was one elder in particular that was extremely helpful to the point he took me to a local Islamic shop and bought me a kenzo as we say in Swahili (thowb, jalabiyah), kufi, miswak and attar I think. The elder was a haafizh or Quran and very knowledgeable in the science of hadith and fiqh ma sha Allah they had only a brick phone and their whole life was just Salah, reciting Quran from memory and teaching. I spent the rest of the day praying in jama’3ah and learning the supplications to say between them. This was the start of my journey into practising Islam completely.

Life After Embracing Islam: From London to Sudan

By Allah’s towfiq I spent the next 2 years deeply committed to learning Islam, Arabic language, praying in congregation and living my life around the mosque. I attended lessons at different mosques sometimes during the same day for example I would pray my fajr in my local mosque then pray zhuhr at regent’s park central mosque for the Saturday weekly talk group they have and then I would go to almuntadah in fulham for maghrib for weekly lessons there. I really wanted to become a student of knowledge and dreamed of studying in Madinah or one of the Muslim countries. I applied for scholarship to alazhar in Egypt and had active members of regent’s park central mosque the muazh’zhin I had become very close to during this time had spoken with the board of the mosque to try and help with funding for me to perform umrah or hajj and then I could locally apply as this was also the advice given to me from Wasim Kempson. Alhamdulillah alaa kuli haal it was not meant be but I was given a great opportunity to work as an English teacher in Sudan which was an amazing experience. This is my conversion story.

By Jamal Ad Deen

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